E 236 8 Ways Spiritual Direction Has Changed Me

Chris: [00:00:00] Hello. It's great to be with you today. We are talking about eight ways. Spiritual direction has changed us. So creating this list was a fun way to think about how spiritual companionship really has impacted our lives as we've engaged in some form of this practice for well over a decade. And so we hope that it can spark something in our listeners who may be considering finding a spiritual director or getting trained in spiritual direction from a program, or even just to share with someone you know who may benefit from spiritual direction.

And I think the thing that comes up for me first is the way that I've been impacted by spiritual direction is I feel seen and heard. And I think for me personally this is true. Feeling seen and heard is a big part of everyone's life, I think to be able to feel like somebody sees you, somebody knows what's going on, and there's, there's a saying that Christina and I used [00:01:00] to tell each other, when we were first married, that the estimated person is interrupted or the average person is estimated to have been interrupted every 17 seconds. And so whenever we were first married and someone was talking and someone got interrupted, we would say 17 seconds.

And I just think that really helped us in our marriage, but also just noticing it in society, like people just interrupt each other all the time or they half listen. They don't listen deeply to the person who is across from them. They thinking about what they're gonna say next, and that has not been my experience.

Whenever I go to spiritual direction, I feel like. Someone really sees me, they're listening to me, and I'm awakening to my own story. So not only are they listening to me, but I feel like I'm seen [00:02:00] and heard, and I feel like I see and hear myself as I'm in spiritual direction. So that's the first one that comes up for me.

Christina, how about you? 

Tina: I think just building off of that the, I guess number two for me is that I have a place for clunky communication is what I would call it. And I think to your point, being able to have someone bear witness to your story, but also to see and hear ourselves. And I think a lot of times I have.

Clunky communication where maybe there's an idea or something that's forming inside of me and I haven't given voice to it yet. I don't have clear language or words around it, and it feels clunky coming out and just to have a patient person that's sitting across from me, that is fine. And if I don't say it right or I have to go back and rephrase something, or I have a half baked thought that I just need to get out, they do a really good job of asking me questions to engage with my clunky communication, and I don't have to come with some.

Thought out speech or something really clear from a journal that I'm reciting or reading to [00:03:00] them, it's this real life in time opportunity to just communicate what's going on, albeit however clunky it might be. And I've really appreciated that. That's just felt really freeing to me. And then maybe I'll just continue on with, a third thing for me is.

Having a consistent rhythm of this on the calendar, it makes me show up and always something emerges as a result. And so I think rather than waiting for something's wrong, so I'm gonna schedule something, typically at the end of my sessions, I schedule the next one and it's on the calendar. And so I know that, okay, next Thursday I have spiritual direction at whatever time, and it causes me to pause and to maybe think about what I would wanna bring up with my spiritual director.

And there's been a few times where it's oh, I'm not really sure what I'm gonna share with them, when I meet. And but I show up 'cause it's on the calendar and I'm obviously not gonna, back out on this commitment that I've made. And when I do, it's amazing what emerges and comes up even as I am, maybe doing an [00:04:00] opening prayer with them or sitting in quiet for a moment just to gather my thoughts.

And never has there been a time where I thought, oh, that was a waste. Because every time something comes up and emerges just by having it in my rhythm and showing up on the calendar, I would say those are a couple of things that come to mind for me. 

Chris: I think that rhythm leads me to my next way in which spiritual direction has impacted my life is the feeling grounded in my faith while exploring my questions, without somebody trying to convince me that what I'm feeling, what I'm exploring isn't real. And so just the grounding that I, I.

Experience has been super, super helpful. I just the invitation of exploration has been so meaningful.

Tina: I agree with that. I really appreciate having a space to bring my questions and someone just listening and they don't insert their own theological [00:05:00] viewpoint or the right way to think about this, or let me give you some expert advice like a mentor would do. They just let me sit with my questions and again, highlight things that I might be saying or.

Things for a deeper reflection, but it's not a mentoring or a convincing or a discipleship moment where they're trying to disciple me in a particular way or shape my thought. And that's just felt really freeing because I think when we have opportunities to explore on our own and we come to our own conclusions, we own it more.

It feels more real. It feels more. In us. And that was very different from, I think my earlier expressions of faith and spiritual formation was very much, other people teaching me things and helping me to see things from their point of view, which in a lot of cases was helpful. I'm not discrediting that, but as I've gotten older too, I think having space to just explore without that has felt very freeing.

Chris: Yeah, absolutely. I think one of [00:06:00] the ways that it's also impacted me is whenever I leave spiritual direction, I walk away with greater clarity. There's maybe a couple times where I'm like I don't know. I still have more questions, but by and large I walk away with a greater sense of clarity with where I'm at, whether it's what I'm discerning in life, where I'm at in my faith, like the, where we are talking about groundedness, like nine times outta 10, I walk away with just a greater sense of clarity and that's super helpful, I think.

And it's reassuring as a person who is trying to navigate life. 

Tina: And sometimes the clarity isn't necessarily, I have the entire package answer, but even a clarity on this is the next step I need to take. This is the next thing I need to journal about. This is the next iteration of what I am thinking about, et cetera.

And I agree with you that's felt really helpful. Which maybe brings me to number [00:07:00] five on our list. Six, I'm sorry, I can't count. Number six on our list, that I can revisit issues over and over again without feeling like I have to hurry up. And this is something, again, maybe going back to that rhythm of spiritual companionship, spiritual direction, and having it on the calendar on a regular basis, because oftentimes I do bring the same issue.

To subsequent sessions, or maybe it's not the back to back sessions, but maybe from a couple of sessions ago I talked about a particular issue and now a month later, or three months later or whatever it is, I'm revisiting that issue from a different lens with different data, different experiences, and it's helpful to me because when I circle around that issue again, I don't feel like this person's bored with my story, or, oh boy, here we go again.

Christina's sharing again this issue, like I have to hurry up and get to the next thing. There's patience to just, if this is my story and I need to revisit it again, there's confidence that there's gonna be one small nugget or nuance or something different in the sharing of the [00:08:00] story this session that I need, and I need to verbally articulate that.

And that's just felt very encouraging for me to have that space to, again, revisit without the feeling of burdening somebody that, oh, here we go again. 

Chris: Yeah, absolutely. And I think the thing that I feel whenever I circle around to some of the same issues over and over again, the lack of judgment.

Oftentimes whenever like I'm stuck on something and I'm around friends or I'm around family members, there's body language that says, gosh, you're still struggling with this. Come on, get over it buddy. But I think in spiritual direction, I have never had that sense of just get over it and I don't have that expectation of myself to just get over it.

Actually, I feel the freedom to continue to explore 'cause there's something there. Yeah, definitely revisiting issues has been super helpful. I think it's also helped me make bold choices that [00:09:00] better align with who I am in the particular season that God is visiting me to live out or God is not visiting me.

God is inviting me to live out. I think that's been so helpful. Confidence is so important. Whenever we make our decisions and discernments and so feeling like you have the confidence to make a decision is so critical, I think, for any walk of life. 

Tina: Yeah. And I think going back to being able to reissue, revisit issues over and over again.

The thing with me that. I have had sessions where something clicked or there was something that just came to me in that session, and I've walked away from that and have made very bold choices of I'm very clear, this is what I need to do. I've been questioning this and wondering this, and like I've been 80% there, 90% there, and then at the end of my spiritual guidance session, it's like, Nope, I'm a hundred percent.

I know this is, [00:10:00] I feel clear and I can make that choice to better align with who I am and recognizing this is the season I'm in. And to do that. With boldness. And that has felt good again to have somebody, and again, not that they're telling me what to do, but to, even as I'm coming to that clarity to say, yeah, like that, that bears witness with me too.

And I can see in your demeanor or what you've said, a change in you and a shift happening. And so that's just felt, again helpful. That spiritual direction isn't just, we sit around and talk about stuff all the time, but it also does lead to action and choices and changes in our lives. And so it's a both and where.

We're reflecting and taking in time to, to think about things, but also very much action oriented as well, which I've appreciated.

Chris: Yeah, absolutely. Which leads us to our last impact, which is it allows. My soul space to breathe and rest and regenerate. And so something I've really [00:11:00] appreciated that my spiritual direction spiritual director has invited me to do is after I've named something and it is particularly pertinent in this season of life, to just take time to just rest, like I don't have to like.

Name anything else, but even taking, some, sometimes we say stasio or we just take a pause and we just rest with what was brought up and allow it to just be there without having to rush through it or ru rush to something else. So I've really appreciated that. 

Tina: And I've had times too in my spiritual direction sessions where I've been moved to tears and I can just cry and let something out and I don't have to explain it or then figure out a plan after the crying.

It's just that was regenerative for me to just [00:12:00] let that out and then to be, and to feel like you're. Held with somebody, if you will, that your story and what you shared or your tears are held and it has felt very restful. And again, just a place to breathe and to release things.

And I agree with you, Chris. I think there's been times where I've shared something and it's okay, let's just pause and let that sit. 'cause that felt really important, what you just said. And. We'll breathe for a few moments and then my spiritual director might ask me, is there anything else that's coming up around that you wanna add to that?

And again, it's not a rushing through these revelations or insights, but there's space to just take that in and to be quiet and to pause. And that's something that I've appreciated also about spiritual direction is we're not afraid to have long swaths of quiet where, I think in normal conversation or normal situations, if there's dead space, we quickly wanna feel it.

Fill it up with something because it feels awkward. Where I think we've learned that quiet doesn't have to be awkward. And it's actually doing a really important work in that moment of just [00:13:00] letting it breathe, letting it settle in, letting it exist, letting it hang out in the conversational atmosphere that's felt really important to.

Chris: Absolutely. Thank you, Christina for, helping with this list of navigating ways that spiritual direction has changed us. And so just a quick recap. I feel seen and heard. I have a place for clunky communication. Consistent rhythm of having this on the calendar makes me show up and always something emerges as a result.

I feel grounded in my faith while exploring my questions without someone trying to convince me. Otherwise, 

Tina: I walk away with greater clarity. I can revisit issues over and over again without feeling like I have to hurry up. It has helped me make bold choices that better align with who I am [00:14:00] and the season God is inviting me to live out.

It allows my soul space to breathe and rest and regenerate. And again, these are just eight on the list. I'm sure there's more, but I think this is a great opportunity again, just to reflect and think about some really tangible ways that this practice has been meaningful in our lives. 

Chris: Thanks again for having the conversation and we hope that you benefit from it.

 And now is the part of the podcast where we talk about what we are into. So what have you been into? 

Tina: I am a tea drinker and I think when it's the warmer months, I've talked about different ice teas that I like, and now that it's the colder months, I have my basic go-to Irish breakfast tea.

But I also have been looking for some decaf options that aren't boring. I don't know, I'm not really into the chamomile thing, which I'm sure it's good for me. But anyway, and so I've discovered and have been really enjoying. Egyptian [00:15:00] licorice tea, and I will link to it in the show notes. I actually hate licorice as a candy.

I think it's gross, but there's something about the Egyptian licorice tea that is just so warming and soothing, and really, I really like it a lot. I also discovered that there's a Egyptian licorice mint, which I may branch out to, but that's just been a fun thing to add to my tea repertoire as the weather is getting definitely chillier here in Wisconsin.

So that's what I'm into. 

Chris: Very fun. Yeah. I often challenge people on the word hate. I hate, but I think licorice candy actually qualifies as a hate the, what it does in people's body whenever they taste it. But I'm glad that you're enjoying licorice tea. Something that I have been into lately.

I am. Trying to get better at candles and making candles as a spiritual practice, making candles that I take to spiritual [00:16:00] guidance sessions. There's just something about you creating this candle and taking it to, it's almost like it's another prayer and it's praying with you and divine presence, all that stuff.

But I've been experimenting with color and my. Kid has helped me with ideas about how to color candles. And so I got some Mika powder, and let's just say that my first batch, I put a little too much in it. It had a very strong mineral smell. That's what Mika powder is. It's minerals. For those that don't know Mika is a little it's shimmers.

So it's not glitter, but it's a little mineral and it makes the candle wax shimmer. And so I have been into creating the perfect, portion of Mika powder and to wax ratio, and I'm not there yet, even though I've subscribed to [00:17:00] what the experts say is the correct amount for me, it hasn't. It hasn't worked out yet.

So I have been into experimenting with Mika powder in my candle. 

Tina: And we're actually having a candle making party the Saturday after Thanksgiving, we're inviting some folks over to make candles that can be holiday gifts. So hopefully by then, Chris, you'll be able to guide us as the candle making guru in our household.

Chris: That is the hope. Thanks again for joining us. It was so good to be with you. See you next time. Make it a great week.