E 239 6 Benefits of Being Unbalanced

Hello. It's great to be with you Today we are talking about six benefits of being unbalanced. Now, by and large, the messaging we hear is that we need to live balanced lives, right? We talk about work life balance. That's something that we all come across on the web and we Google it and tons of articles come up, which is great.

But today I want to talk about a different angle, which is one of intentional unbalance, and I wanna clarify that. I'm not talking about being unbalanced in the sense that we're swept away by demands and stress and obligations. I recognize that's very real and I don't wanna minimize that. And I know that sometimes life throws us curve balls and we do enter into unbalance that was not planned, nor intentional, right?

And for example, maybe we get sick and we have to stay in bed, and obviously we didn't intend for that. Or there's a storm and our electricity goes out for the day. Oftentimes there's circumstances that happen and unfold beyond our control. And so I want to acknowledge that upfront. [00:01:00] And yet there seems to be benefits of living an unbalanced life that I think we're missing out on because we don't really talk about that as much.

And that's what I want to explore today. so my hope is that we can offer some invitations towards intentional unbalance that benefits our lives. And the first invitation is simply to recognize that life is not usually equal or even right. Life is not usually equal or even, and I think we see this in so many areas of our lives. So I'll use some business examples for a moment.

One is in agriculture, if you're a farmer, there's a few weeks of the year that are uneven from the rest of the year. So planting and harvesting. And so talking about harvest, obviously farmers want to plentiful harvest, they want bumper, crops and lots of food to yield and pick. And so for those few weeks, time and resources are out of balance.

There is no balance. It's all hands on deck. You're hiring help to get through the harvest season. I have an uncle in California who for years grew [00:02:00] grapes and had a winery. And boy I tell you, there were seasons where he had to have hired help 'cause it was a very timeliness, lack of balance that they had for a reason and they knew that.

Same with retail and hospitality. We worked in the restaurant business and I worked in retail as well when I was younger. And lots of stores hire temporary workers specifically for the holiday season. Because the demands are higher, and it's a well-known fact that Q4 for many businesses are where most of their sales and their income comes for the entire year.

So that quarter is outta balance, and there needs to be extra resources to enable that to happen. Or maybe on a more personal level, there's when we had a new baby, I remember we were very outta balance, right? We weren't sleeping as much. We were spending a lot of time focusing on, feeding the child and even things like bowel movements, which is funny.

We, our niece and nephew just had a baby a few weeks ago and when we talked to him on the phone, he was sharing about the baby's bowel movements, which is funny, right? 'cause when else in life do you talk about that kind of stuff, but. [00:03:00] Actually, you're out of balance at looking at those sorts of things when you have a new life, because those things matter to report to the doctor about health.

And so I say all this because again, rarely is life equal or even I think there's usually some area of our life that's unbalanced, but again, with intentionality. And so that's the first thing that I would bring wanna bring up today.

Yeah, totally. Life is not equal or even I think one of the things that I feel invitation towards this intentional unbalanced ness is to let go of the shoulds of.

What we should be doing. And I think when we try to be balanced, we often feel obligated to do things or show up because we're supposed to. And I think that actually causes more stress. I think when we're intentionally unbalanced, we can let go of those things that aren't even things that are a priority.

And. They can go to the back burner. I think we can [00:04:00] show up more fully to the things that matter in particular seasons or situations if we let go of the shoulds.

Building off of that, I think the third invitation is realize that things will slip through the cracks. I think intentional unbalance allows ourself the grace to know things will slip through the cracks, but the world will still go on.

And if I had, a particularly busy week and my laundry piles up. That's actually okay. The sun's still gonna come out tomorrow. Regardless of the amount of laundry that is not folded and put away, I think slipping through the cracks is different from, a tsunami. If we know, hey, we have a busy week with extracurricular activities, so you know, we're gonna be eating a lot of leftovers that week.

Fresh cooked meals will be slipping through the cracks a little bit, [00:05:00] and I think that's okay. We can then recalibrate on a different week. And it's not like we never recalibrate and never, get those things done again. That is the difference between being swept away versus intentionally knowing.

We are choosing to let some stuff slip through the cracks and, just be okay with it. Yeah, and I appreciate what you're saying. 'cause I think that these last two points really to me speak on an emotional level of there's the, the things that we have to do, but there's the mental load too, and the emotional load of trying to live balanced versus intentionally living, unbalanced and recognizing, okay, I don't have shoulds or the shoulds that I'm choosing are.

These are intentional choices of how I wanna spend my time and recognizing that this doesn't matter as much as the other one. And that just feels very freeing and light on an emotional and mental level to me. So I appreciate some of what you're naming there, that knowing, okay I'm not gonna get to the grocery store or to order my food, or whatever it is.

And so whatever we have is what we're eating this week because there's other [00:06:00] priorities, and I think that's really important to name. Which again goes with I, I think kind of building off point number four is the invitation to listen to our gut before saying yes or no to things. And I think that's really important to pause and to listen to our gut before saying yes or no to things when we're.

Swept away in unbalanced. I think we just like whatever the next thing is or the thing that comes to us, we're just not pausing enough and overcommitting and then afterwards recognizing, wow, I think I overcommitted and I wish I wouldn't have said yes to this thing. But when we're living intentional, unbalanced, I think it invites us to be a little bit more strategic in our yeses and nos and to actually wait for a more wholehearted yes.

Versus just a half-hearted obligation, because again, if we're just showing up to things half-heartedly, it's not a benefit to anyone. And then we're just like eking out our energy in ways that don't replenish us at all. Which again I want my yeses to be like, I'm happy to be here. I volunteered for the holiday party, for the fourth grade class this week, and I [00:07:00] was so excited to be there.

And it was an intentional choice. I didn't feel obligated to do it. I wanted to be there and I showed up in a way and had a great time because of that. Versus other times where I felt roped into, if you will, different volunteer opportunities. And I did it because no one else was signing up or there was a lack that needed to be filled, but my heart wasn't in the same place there and I had to work through that.

And I ended up, I did work through it, but it just took some extra energy where I think when I'm intentionally living unbalanced, I can listen to that gut ahead of time. And if you missed last week, I shared that I published a children's book with Spiritual Directors International. And I'm already beginning to think about ideas for a second book so that it can be a series.

And I've noticed that because I'm spending time in what I'm calling creation mode, I've been saying no to things like leading weekend retreats because I wanna conserve my energy for this other work. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm never gonna lead a retreat again. And there was a season a while ago where I was leading retreats every other [00:08:00] weekend, or I'm sorry, every other month on the weekends.

And it was a wonderful experience. And actually some of that experience has fed into a different workbook that I'm working on for adults. Because of what I learned in those retreat settings. And so I needed a lot of hands-on with different groups of people to learn and to see what people were experiencing in their spiritual formation and people knew to maybe retreats.

And so that was a wholehearted yes, at that time. But then I began to notice a shift and. Felt like I actually wanna be unbalanced now in saying no to that and unbalanced in, spending a lot of time at my computer and typing and creating and editing and, recognizing that, sometimes I can feel like a couch potato or something like, I'll literally be in my pajamas and I am working, I'm working very hard.

My brain is working at creating things and trying to put content out into the world, but it just looks very different than. A calendar that has a lot of meetings and situations like that. But it's an intentional unbalance that I'm choosing where I'm intentionally, and I timed it too, where the weather's a little [00:09:00] bit colder.

I'm not as motivated to be outside doing stuff. And so it works well with me in this. But again, it's a very intentional yes versus no. And so I have found that really helpful in my life. Yeah, absolutely. I think you I personally have saved myself a lot of regret whenever I actually check in with my gut versus just looking at things logically pros, cons because you could look at pros, cons and make a decision, but.

Later, it ends up biting me in the butt because yeah, I didn't really check in with myself. I didn't make that Gut discernment, so I appreciate you naming that. Yeah, and maybe I'll just say too, Chris, just to build off of that, I think it is important that our bodies speak to us, right?

And so if we feel a sense of like anxiety or dread and sometimes it lives in your gut, sometimes it's in your heart, sometimes it's in your throat. Our body carries those emotions in different spots. But that's something as well that I think. Both of us have been practicing in recent years of really paying attention and checking in with our body with what it means to be [00:10:00] unbalanced intentionally versus and we all know, we've all experienced the unintentional unbalance where it's like, who, where?

There's all these stuff going on. We're like. Everybody's flying all over the place and there's not a sense groundedness and boy, we feel it in our bodies as well. It can show up in our sleep or our appetites, things like that. And so yeah, I think the body that you're naming is really important in this whole process of intentional unbalance.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that leads me to the fifth invitation, which is unbalance invites us to outsource and receive help. We, and we can't do it all by ourselves. I think we have to look for help sometimes. And when we're out of balance on purpose, it often pushes us to seek help in ways we otherwise wouldn't.

And I think going back to having a new baby. Welcoming meal trains to help you get through the intense few weeks and months of [00:11:00] keeping this baby alive. Or when, remodeling a kitchen or creating a website for a side hustle and outsourcing parts beyond your own expertise, I think can be, an a possibility living.

Intentional unbalance means, outsourcing or asking help from people or even resources like, using paper plates so that you don't have to spend time washing dishes. If you're hosting a lot over the holidays or you have a particular demanding few weeks at work, I think looking.

Intentionally to outsourcing whenever you feel unbalanced, yeah. And I appreciate you naming too that sometimes it is hiring some help or something like that and recognizing that okay, I could like, I think Chris, you often try to like YouTube things and you enjoy fixing things, but I think that sometimes recognizing that can.

Unbalanced in a way that no longer brings joy to you. And so it's, do I really wanna be unbalanced in the amount of [00:12:00] time it would take to fix this? Or I'd rather be unbalanced, if you will, in my checkbook and pay somebody that money to do it. What's the trade off there? But I think even outsourcing for me you mentioning the paper plates, but even like outsourcing things that live in my brain.

And so I find that when I write down a big brain dump, it helps me to intentionally feel unbalanced versus that, swept away feeling of, unintentional unbalance. And so just this week I did this we have a nonprofit in Madison called the Madison Area Spiritual Collective. And it's a collective that we have of the spiritual guides in the area that I've gotten going this fall.

And there's a lot of moving pieces to getting this up and running, particularly at the end of the year here. There's different paperwork that we have to file with the government, and we have a part-time virtual assistant that we're onboarding. And so I have a lot of different meetings with her and just a lot of logistics flying around in addition to.

You vision and professional development and all the fun aspects of what we're doing with the collective. And so I was feeling very swept away in all these things [00:13:00] just floating around in my brain. And so I did a big brain dump and I'm like, okay, here's all the things that have to happen. And then I did some plotting and I wrote, okay, these things has have to happen in December, or it would be really helpful if they happened in December.

But then I went January and I'm like. Actually I can do some of these in February. And then I actually was like, actually some of these are in March. And so I took all of these random to-dos and I gave them a place to live on my document. And that immediately took me from feeling swept away to feeling an intentional un unbalanced right where I'm gonna be unbalanced and I'm gonna say no to these things getting done.

It doesn't have to be done this month or these two months even. And so I'm gonna. Choose these things. And so I think that's really important what you're naming about, the outsourcing, either with people or even some of these tools that we can use with our brains or practical things like, again, using paper plates or that sort of a thing.

And I really like the image of spinning plates for this one. Because sometimes you have to let some plates drop and what is on the plate? What is on the spinning [00:14:00] plate what needs to be held up? And then, what, what can fall away? So I really like that image

and this brings us to our sixth invitation, which I think. Intentional unbalance invites us to hold multiple values at once. And I think this is important because we get to live out and hold multiple things that matter to us that maybe don't fit together normally. So for example, I'll just speak from my personality.

I am very much drawn to minimalism and simplicity, but I also like challenges and growth. And so when I choose unbalance, I recognize that. Either these areas of my life can feel simple or maybe in certain seasons I embrace simplicity where I'm actually laying a little bit more dormant and taking things in.

But then I have seasons of challenges and growth where I'm outputting more and I am putting myself out to the world. I'm networking more, I'm doing things that are outta my comfort zone. And those two things can live together. Or another example, I love being in homebody. I love when I get to work from home and I, I don't wanna do that all the time.

I, I also do wanna [00:15:00] see people, but I really enjoy being in my home, but I also love traveling and seeing new places. And so when I'm unbalanced, I can foster each of these where for the, these amount of times I can be a homebody, but then these seasons or whatever, I love traveling and going and doing and being out.

And so I think. The unbalance allows me to foster each of these areas and to recognize they, they don't have. They have to happen all at once. They can happen in times and cycles. And in my early twenties up in, up until through our first year of marriage, Chris and i's first year of marriage, I traveled about eight or nine months outta the year.

It was a very heavy travel season for multiple years and I love that. But then now I love not having that necessarily. But I could see, you know, Chris and I have talked about when our kids graduate and are outta the house. Maybe embracing a more robust travel schedule again, where maybe we're one of those couples with the RV traveling and really being out of balance for a season where we're doing a ton of traveling and not being home as much.

And so again, I think that having that freedom of intentional [00:16:00] unbalance allows us to recognize that we can hold multiple values at once and live those out.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think. The older and hopefully wiser I get, the more that I'm able to really determine what water multiple values that can coexist with each other. And I think that's super important for your life is to say, just because this is a super high value doesn't mean that this other thing that you have should be diminished.

You can hold multiple values at once. So I really appreciate you naming that. Yeah, and I think even when I think about spiritual rhythms, I, there was a time where in my particular faith circle there was this are you reading your Bible every day type of a thing. And I just remember shedding that of there were some seasons where I devoured.

The scripture and just loved dig digging into the Bible and all different angles and would spend hours journaling and reading and all that kind of stuff, processing. And then I had a season where I was like, I actually didn't pick up the Bible and I didn't feel bad about it [00:17:00] because that wasn't drawing to me.

And it didn't mean that I still didn't value the scriptures, but I value these other things and wanted to learn and grow spiritually in other ways. And so I think that just brings a lot of freedom too, where not everything has to happen all at once. And that season that I had of really intense.

Soaking in the scriptures hasn't revisited. Again. It may some time in my life, it may never, but even if it doesn't, I feel like what I experienced was enough for a lifetime even. And that's okay. And so again, not everything has to happen all at once and can come in seasons and cycles.

Well, Thank you so much for a really interesting, hopefully helpful conversation around intentional unbalance. Again, recognizing that life is usually not equal or even. That we let go of the shoulds, what we should be doing an invitation to realize that things will slip through the cracks, and that's okay.

The earth will still turn and the sun will still rise. Invitation to listen to our gut before saying yes or no to things, invites us to outsource and receive help. And then [00:18:00] finally allows us to hold multiple values at once. So thank you so much for this conversation and again, we hope that this can help you to make some intentional choices into the new year.

And now is the part of the podcast where we take a moment to talk about what we are into. So what are we into? Speaking of unintentional and intentional, I think one of the things that I've been into over the past couple of days is I've been clearing out my office and I've been setting up things in my office that haven't been set up for a long time.

I have a keyboard that I've had in my office but I haven't had it hooked up where I could play it. So I've set that up. I hooked up a couple of different guitar pedals that I've loved in the past, but I just haven't had space and haven't felt drawn to play them. And so I've been into creating an ambiance in my office that is conducive for a season where music is gonna take a higher priority.

[00:19:00] So that's what I've been into. I love that. I have been into these $3 gloves that I found at Walgreens and my gosh, my family, we lose gloves all the time. We have, I don't know how many pairs of one glove out of a pair. And so I'm often stocking up on these inexpensive glove.

Like we have our waterproof ones for like, when we're, s sledding and things like that, but just our everyday gloves. And I ran into these gloves a couple of, like last month at Walgreens. Bought a bunch. And of course we've, lost half of them. So I was at the store the other day and they were on sale and I'm like.

Yes, I'm gonna get some more of these gloves. They're great. They're only three doll. I think it was like 30% off, so I even got even more of a deal. But anyway they're just the right amount of thickness and warmth, but not too bulky. And you can still, I don't know, move your fingers around.

And I think they have texting capabilities and so I am into my $3 Walgreen gloves. They come in variety of colors. We have blue, gray, and black. So we will see how long this next set lasts. Thank you so much for joining us, and until next time, make it a great week.